Where Is Home
by stavie93
Summary: Suliet in Dharmatimes. Oneshot in canon.


**Author's Note:** I know this probably isn't the update you were looking for. I've had a very difficult time with the move and it's taken me a lot longer than I thought it would to find a new job, but I found one and will start next week. Things are finally looking up! This oneshot was a way to get the writing juices flowing again. I hope you enjoy! Be on the lookout for Code Silver updates!

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Lost. Title is based on Elliphant's _Where Is Home._ Lyrics from the song at beginning and end.

Please read and review!

 **Where Is Home**

" _Where is home? I'm starting to believe that it is gone Cause I don't find it though I'm looking Keep searching Where is home? All I want is silence in my soul but I don't find it though I'm looking_ _Keep searching"_

Juliet Burke sat on the dock. Her legs hung over the side, feet narrowly avoiding the water. She looked out across the waves. Blue water and blue sky had been all she'd been able to see when looking at the horizon the last three years. She longed for buildings taller than one story, bright lights, and everything else Miami had to offer; her sister most of all.

But she'd missed her chance to back. The two weeks she'd promised Sawyer were up and she'd watched as the sub sank beneath the surface hours earlier. She'd been on the dock since then even as everyone else went home.

As the sun faded into the ocean she wondered what she'd just done. The sub wouldn't be back for six months. She wanted to desperately to go home, but where was that now?

She'd thought long and hard about home the past two weeks. She realized Sawyer was right. Home was not in 1974 Miami. That was reserved for four year old Juliet, not _thirty_ four year old Juliet. Although she had still been tempted to give it a shot. They were still in the good times – before the arguing and the bickering and the divorce. Maybe her parents would accept the grown up Juliet and things would be ok. But that probably wouldn't be a good idea. Besides, if Faraday was right it wouldn't work anyway. Whatever happened, happened and she never met an older version of herself as a child.

The island certainly wasn't home, though it had come close during those first six months when she'd thought she'd be going back to Miami. She wanted to believe that home was Miami 2004 with her sister and Julian, but that wasn't quite right either. They'd been apart for over three years now. Would Rachel even recognize her baby sister anymore? Juliet had changed so much. She knew it was nearly all for the better and Rachel would probably be happy to see the new Juliet who didn't let anyone walk all over her, but she was never good at keeping secrets from her sister. How would Rachel feel knowing her sister had purposely killed a man?

The sun sank below the water and the sky grew dark. The breeze from the water chilled Juliet and she wrapped her arms around herself. If home wasn't on the island, in Miami in 1974 or Miami in 2004 then there was only one answer to her question. Home was gone. It was nowhere and it didn't matter where she was anymore.

The realization hit and she was surprised there were no tears. She wanted desperately to see her sister and meet her nephew, but they would be strangers now. It would never be like before. And until Locke came back or Faraday found a way to return them to 2004 there would be no reunion anyway.

Footsteps sounded on the dock behind Juliet, the unmistakable stomping she'd learned belonged to James. She continued watching the waves. Something warm was draped across her shoulders and she pulled it around her tightly before looking down. He'd brought her jacket. He sat next to her before speaking.

"Thought you might be cold out here."

She looked over at him. "Thanks."

"You ok?" He asked.

She shrugged. "Just fine."

"Regrettin' not takin' the sub home?" His voice was somber.

Juliet almost laughed. "Home's gone." She said. "There is no home anymore."

"Well, maybe not in 1974, but once Locke gets back we'll get there."

"No, you don't understand." She shifted her body so she could look in his eyes. "I always thought home would be where ever I'd find my sister." She paused and looked away.

Sawyer was quiet, but filed this new information about Juliet away.

She looked at him again, tears finally starting to cloud her vision, but she was not going to cry in front of Sawyer. Not now. Not ever. "I realized my sister and I don't even know each other anymore. She may not like the new me." She turned back to the waves. "So home is just -" She waved her hand across the water. "gone."

Sawyer took a moment to compose his thoughts. He'd never thought the day would come, but Juliet was becoming his friend. And he knew she was wrong. "I ain't never had a sister." He said. "But I know yours would still wanna see you." Juliet looked at him silently. "I promise you I'll do what I can to get you back to her, to get you home."

She shook her head. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I'm not promisin' to get you there. I'm just promisin' to try."

Juliet believed him. He'd never given her a good reason to trust him. In fact, she was fairly certain he was ready to help Sayid torture her the day she got the medicine for Claire. But they'd had each other's backs since the flashes started. She leaned her shoulder into his. "Thank you."

Sawyer absently took Juliet's hand in his. "Anytime, Blondie."

* * *

 ***One week before the crash of Ajira 316***

Juliet awoke and immediately felt eyes on her. She shifted her head from it's position on Sawyer's chest and looked up at him. His blue eyes were looking into hers. "Morning." She said sleepily as the hand at her back began tracing lazy circles.

"Morning." He replied with a small smile that didn't reach his eyes.

Her brow furrowed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothin'" He lied and squeezed her before planting a light kiss on top of her head.

Juliet wiggled out of his embrace and propped herself up on her elbows. After nearly three years together she could tell when something was bothering him. "Tell me." She prodded gently.

"I just been thinkin'." His lips pursed and his brows came together. Juliet waited silently. "I love you." He said suddenly while looking into her eyes.

She smiled. "I love you, too."

"I just -" He continued. "I just realized I never kept my promise."

Juliet was confused. "What promise?"

"I said I'd get you home. It's been three years and you still ain't there. I'm sorry."

Juliet remembered the night on the dock, the night their two weeks were up and she had the option to leave on the sub. She scooted closer and wrapped her arms around him. "That's where you're wrong." She told him and it was his turn to be confused. Their faces were inches apart and her eyes locked onto his. "I am home." She smiled.

Sawyer wasn't getting it. "But your sister."

She shook her head. "I would love to see my sister more than anything, but she's not home anymore. You are."

His mouth opened to speak, but she put a finger to his lips. "I never thought I could have this." She continued. "Someone who loves me for me, not what I can do for them. Someone who knows everything about me and still wants me anyway. Someone like you. Wherever you are, that's where I want to be. You did get me home."

Sawyer grinned and pulled her face down to his, crushing his lips with hers in a passionate kiss that he hoped showed Juliet he felt the same way.

The ring under the floorboard across the room began to call to him. He'd had it for months. He could never find the right time to give it to her. Would now be right? Would it be better if they weren't in bed? Maybe during a nice dinner?

Juliet made up his mind for him when she swung a leg over his waist and straddled him. He decided the ring could definitely wait.

" _Life is drifting so fast I don't sleep I'm afraid to miss a moment where I'm free with you...I can jump cause I know I'll land All I need is to trust your hand And like the wind I will blow away Unless you make me stay"_


End file.
